Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
