I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
