First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
