we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
