Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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