Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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