I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
