We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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