Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
