bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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