In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
handjob tips. give me some.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
