Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
