I think I died a long time ago.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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