there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
