Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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