OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's shark week go big or go home
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
