I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
