It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
