Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
