we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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