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I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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