you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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