I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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