you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
