I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
