do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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