did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
