I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
