one might say we're banned from that church
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
