I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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