I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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