there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
