just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
