Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I understand Curling. That high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This baby is an asshole
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
