My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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