Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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