My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
