Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
