I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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