This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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