dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
barbara walters just said penis...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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