I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
