Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
