dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and she was petting her beer can
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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