I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
