Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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