Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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