My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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