Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
