how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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