Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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