i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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