people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
