If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
