I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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