I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
