it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
