My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
