Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
