If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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