I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
