Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
