Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
