If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I lost the right to judge tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
