Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
