My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
