I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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