i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
