i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't put those talents on a resume
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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