Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
