Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
