why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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