just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
