I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
