oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
