In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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